Senor Pudgy Sends Me News of Williston,ND

by Viktor Quixote

Disclaimer: I cannot guarantee the veracity of news that has reached me solely from Maximilian Sebastian d'Casa Oro regarding the city of Williston, North Dakota. Senor D'Oro faces charges of pandering, criminal sexual conduct, and embezzlement of government funds in his native Cuba--charges which he dismisses as part of a campaign of persecution against him by the present regime.

Maximilian Sebastiano d'Casa Oro

Maximilian Sebastian D'Casa Oro, a Cuban National and former desk clerk at the Havana Cabana who entered the U.S. seven months ago to register a plea with the Department of Immigration for protection from Cuban persecution (still pending)--recently wrote to me the following factitious account:

Viktor Quixote Pleads: Read Me

 

The above painting is  the work of Lucy the Elephant, the fabulous pachyderm who dances, plays the harmonica, paints, and for whom Bob Barker was willing to pay the Edmonton Zoo $400,000 to retire to a warm climate. Sadly, Lucy remains the northernmost elephant in North America--up there freezing in Alberta, Canada--and the only elephant north of the so-called snow line.

The below banner belongs to the blog-aggregator Tommy George, who chose my site to feature as a model--or maybe a bad example, I don't know. I do know that not a single person has visited, so I am leaving it to good people of unusual tastes to drop by my site, care of The Tommy George Site, where I am a new affiliate. 

So . . . click below and let the love flow.

Viktory Vox: Sickness in Love

Midnight Lies

As told to Viktor Quixote by Himself

       

                        

Tonight some future life dreads
Youth that lies sullen in your bed
No more can intellect deny
The preposterous truth of lovers' lies:
The contrived rage that makes you sin hotter
Makes you gag and stench for me
How bad can play-jealousy be?

Rectal Masturbation with Vegetables May Inseminate Persistent Microvirus

a Factitious Report by One Who Must

Always make sure your vegetables are properly condomized before anal or rectal insertion, or you
may find yourself developing unsightly cysts in the perineal area. Let your partners know this, use it on him or her, and practice with every insertion--as a couple or alone. Coconut oil acts as a tasty lubricant, but again--use a dental dam before insertion into mouth.

All this unabashed hygiene truth takes me back to C. Everett Coop's perplexity in the early 1980's true American sexual practices as the age of AIDS cracked, illuminating ATM behaviours and transmission of microbiomics from one partner's egestive outlet to her lover's eager if unwitting ingestion via French Kissing. When one panelist inferred this was common Biological knowledge, the unfazed Coop looked in the camera and asked a national audience, "Then why are so many people still rimming?" Broadcasters considered "rimming" a proper medical term, and let it pass to air. I miss C. Everett Coop. What about you?

So in future vegetable intercourse, protect yourself. You don't want Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle coming after you.